Jonatan F. Blomeier

theatre | music

Pam: Michael! Its really good to see you.

Dwight: Hey... why are you waring a turtleneck?

Jim: You're alright?

Oscar: Michael, i feel like i was a little harsh yesterday.

Jim, Pam: Yeah... we're really sorry...

Michael: I... ahm... spent the afternoon in the park, trying to feed the pigeons, I guess they all flew west for the winter, and I... I just had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people...

Pam: What?

Michael: Well I wrote them down, so I wouldn't forget. (clears throat) Jim, you 6'11 and you weigh 90 pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom! Roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom! Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom! Roasted. Meredith, you slept with so many guys, you started to look like one. Boom! Roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom! Roasted. Creed, your teeth called: Your breath stinks. Boom! Roasted. Angela, where is Angela? Well... there you are! Didn't see you behind that grain of rice! Boom! Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. (Stanley begins to laugh) Boom! Roasted. Oscar, you... are... (chuckles) Oscar, you're gay! Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you're gayer than Oscar! Boom! Roasted.

Others: Boom! Roasted! ....

Michael: Alright (chuckles) Alright everybody, you know I kid... you know I kid... you guys are the reason that I went into the paper business, so.. ah... Good Night, God Bless, God Bless America, and get home safe.